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The FootyAccums five-a-side dream team

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No Messi or Ronaldo, them's the rules

We've all been there, in the pub about five pints deep, in heavy discussion with your mates about politics, the economic boom and the housing market, haven't we. No? Okay, well what about which five players you would choose to make up your dream five-a-side team? Yeah thought so. It's a well trodden conversation around the country which sparks huge debate as the five-a-side game is much different to that of the full size 11-a-side one.

In this small-sided, technically engineered version of the beautiful game, you can forget the tall, physical brutes that flourish each week on the television, don't need em. What this game requires is the fastest, most agile performers about, quick on the turn and even quicker putting the ball through your legs. That's what this side is all about - pace, the very thing that all of our career mode's on Fifa 12(19) were based on.

There are two major rules here though, the first being there's no Messi or Ronaldo allowed, because it's just too easy to throw their names in the hat and it's practically cheating, lets give the others a chance to show what they can do for once. The second - only one player is allowed from Europe's top five leagues (Premier League, La Liga, Serie A, Ligue 1, Bundesliga). A further one player from each league is allowed as a substitute, got it?

Give our team the once over and let us know your thoughts on Twitter @FootyAccums, bye for now.


Jan Oblak - Atletico Madrid

One of the worlds best goalkeepers, Jan Oblak, is exactly the sort of keeper you want between the sticks down your local Goals centre. The Slovenian has got the reflexes of a cat, alongside mind-boggling agility and stupidly quick reaction times.

It's widely known just how strong Atletico Madrid are defensively, with their centre-back partnership of Diego Godin and Jose Gimenez largely to thank for the 17 clean sheets they've managed this term. However, the performances of Oblak over the years have now gained him entry into an elite cluster of goalkeepers who would agree that he is more than worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as them.

In the five-a-side world, with his reflexes and agility considered, Oblak simply has to be included as first choice between the sticks.

Oblak - Atletico


Joshua Kimmich - Bayern Munich

Bayern Munich's Joshua Kimmich slots into our side in defence as our Bundesliga representative. The flying full-back is everything you want in a five-a-side defender: rapid, attack-minded but also strong in the tackle.

With well over 100 appearances for the German titans, Kimmich is a fan favourite at the Allianz Arena and it's clear to understand why. The 24-year-old has registered an astonishing 13 assists in all competitions this season, demonstrating just how much he likes to bomb forward and join in with the attack.

The former Stuttgart man would be impossible to get past on the five-a-side court, but would easily skin up the opposition with his outrageous pace and technical ability. His inclusion into this dream team needed little persuasion and with Oblak behind him, we're feeling pretty confident in our chances of a clean sheet so far.



Eden Hazard - Chelsea

This was an extremely tough choice, with so many worthy candidates from the Premier League on offer. Mohamed Salah, Raheem Sterling and Jesse Lingard would all be absolutely formidable at this game, however we just can't look past Chelsea's flawless winger-turned-playmaker Eden Hazard.

The Belgium internatonal is probably the closest player there is to Lionel Messi in terms of style of play, with his magical first touch and ability to turn a defender inside out within a split second a thing of real beauty. Hazard glides about the park, making football look effortless.

He is one of the best in the business and knows exactly where the goal is, pinpointing the corner of the net from wherever he sees fit.

Imagine him at five-a-side, just for a second. Scary thought isn't it. Hazard could nutmeg a mermaid before chipping it over your keeper in one of those ridiculously small goals, and all you'd be forced to do is applaud.

Hazard - Chelsea


Neymar - PSG

Alright, so you might shout at us for this one. Not because of his inclusion of course, but the fact we've crammed him in in midfield instead of up top, but let us explain. With the five-a-side arena so tight, Neymar can drift 'between the lines' (that's still a thing down Powerleague isn't it?) in the attacking third, providing the link between defence and attack.

The Brazilian trickster has never been an out-and-out striker anyway, instead operating on either flank for both Barcelona and PSG. His pace, agility and somewhat offensive bag of tricks would strike fear into the opposition on the five-a-side battlefield, and you just know, you just f*cking know that the flash bastard would rainbow flick it over your head and make you look like a complete muppet in front of everyone if you attempted to tackle him.

Even if you tried kicking him you couldn't, because his feet are far too quick for any of that nonsense. To top it all off, he's also got an outrageous eye for goal. Last person you'd wanna see stretching his hammy's on a bench by the shower as you put down your kitbag in the changing rooms. First person we want on our side, though.

PSG Neymar


Paulo Dybala - Juventus

With the absence of Ronaldo from this list, it was a toss up between his Juventus team-mate, Paulo Dybala, or Inter Milan's Mauro Icardi up front. Dybala edged it, just, and we'll tell you why. Well actually we won't because we don't really have too many reasons to back it up, just that we prefer the Argentine as a person, as players they are extremely similar.

Dybala, however is a magician with the ball at his feet; he resembles his Argentinian companion Lionel Messi on the field and as the Barcelona No.10 is exempt from this list, we're having the next best thing. The 25-year-old starlet dribbles more than your old man at a Little Mix concert, but unlike your old man he's actually praised for doing it because it usually ends up with the ball in the net.

He'd tie you up in knots, play the ball cutely off the sideboards to gain an advantage and stick about five past your helpless keeper within the first three minutes. Dybala is the perfect five-a-side striker, and we're bloody delighted to have him on board.

Dybala - Juventus


GK - David De Gea (Manchester United)

DF - Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus)

MF - Philippe Coutinho (Barcelona)

MF - Jadon Sancho (Borussia Dortmund)

FW - Kylian Mbappe (PSG)

Team in full